If you are lucky enough to be invited to a seder this year, here are a few tips. As you may already know, there is a wide array of observance in the Jewish religion. Every seder is a little bit different just like every family. A new person to the seder is always a delight; a new participant at the family seder is a wonderful addition. At minimum, the new guest(s) are a new audience for the often-repeated family story or family joke. If you are a little nervous, don’t be — the goal of the holiday is to learn about and discuss freedom. It is a great opportunity for you and everyone to learn.
Here are a few tips for you.
What to bring: The easiest thing to bring is kosher wine. If you go to a wine store, someone will be happy to help you. The wine will have a symbol on it to indicate that it is kosher, and it will also say that it’s permissible for Passover. There are many wonderful koher wines from Israel and other countries around the world, so don’t think that the sweet Manischewitz wine is your only option. There is a requirement to drink four glasses of wine during the seder, so another bottle is always welcome.
What not to bring: Do not bring any baked goods. Passover is the holiday celebrating freedom from slavery in Egypt. When the Jews left Egypt they were in a hurry so the bread didn’t have time to rise. That’s why everyone eats or talks about matzah. So be careful not to bring anything baked. Even the challah that Jews enjoy for the Sabbath is not allowed on Passover.
The Table: There will be a table set with a large plate in the middle. It is called a seder plate. There are various things on it that will be part of the service. One warning: there is an item called maror. It is horseradish and could be very hot. Please don’t take a large bite of this or you could burn your mouth. Take a small taste and then decide.
There will be an empty wine goblet on the table: It is called Elijah’s (in Hebrew pronounced Eliyahu) cup and is symbolic. The custom is to have a glass filled with wine, open the front door, and say a prayer. The story is that Elijah will come into the house and take a sip of wine. I had a friend who offered to set the table for her boyfriend’s family and kept bringing the extra wine goblet back into the kitchen. She laughs about it now.
Ma Nishtana: What is this thing that people keep talking about? The “Ma Nishtana” refers to the four questions, a central part of the seder service. It is the four questions that are traditionally asked by the youngest person at the table. The four questions each start with a refrain: “why is this night different than all other nights?” It is a tradition that most families will participate in, no matter how brief the seder. The youngest child is usually excited to ask these questions the first few years (then the charm of it can wear off and many families might tease the 25-year-old who happens to still be the youngest).
Are we done yet? For some, the custom is to tell the story of the Exodus from Egypt, partake in aspects of the seder plate, and then eat a large meal. You might think that the evening is over after dessert, but many people read the end of the service. It could take anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes or longer. It can be tough to be patient, even for annual seder goers, but the word seder means “order” and some families don’t want to deviate from this centuries old tradition of telling the story in a specific order.
Hope you have a wonderful seder! If you have any questions or other items to add to the protocol, add them to the comments section and we will address any questions or suggestions that you post.