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Ketubah or Not to Ketubah

Now that we’ve decided to go forth with the amazing Rabbi that we recently had the honor of meeting, the details of the ceremony come into play. The tug of war has begun with the give and take of specific aspects to be put in, left out and transformed. I’m cool with the Chuppah. I’m down with the breaking of the glass. Mostly because I like to yell “Mazeltov!”. It just rolls so nicely off the tongue, how can one resist? However, there are a few aspects that I really get hung-up on like the Ketubah.

The Ketubah or marriage contract is one of the more significant components within a Jewish wedding. Back in the day the Ketubah basically was a guarantee in writing that the man would provide for the woman’s needs and if he divorced her then he had to pay a specified sum of money to ensure her well being. In other words, it’s just like a modern day government issued marriage license but with a bit of a sexist edge. That’s a whole ‘nother post so we’ll just ignore that little piece…

Here in lies my dilemma. We weren’t going to get legally married on principle because we believe that everyone has the right to love who they want and in-turn should be able to marry who they want. In representation of our beliefs, we had decided not to marry until our friends could marry. Having our son Raiden enter our lives completely changed that ideology on a strictly legal level.

Either way, we were going to have a wedding to celebrate our love for one another and our life together. The legal representation of it was not important to us. That is until we found out that there is a ton of red tape to cut through just to ensure full legal rights to one another without it. Even if we somehow figured out a way around not getting officially married, it wouldn’t actually guarantee anything. So, we could go that route or we could just get legally married and have it done in one easy step. With the future of our son at stake, we weren’t willing to take any chances. So, hello marriage license goodbye good intentions. We had to choose our battles and unfortunately lost this one.

This brings us to the Ketubah. It holds no legal significance other than in Jewish Law. For me, Jewish Law has no bearing other than in respect for Alx and his family. For Alx, Jewish Law is circumstantial. So, Alx wouldn’t mind having a Ketubah. I’m not sure if I mind. I mean it’s just another contract, right? So what is my hesitance? I think it stems from that fact that a piece of paper means nothing when it comes to my love for Alx. We have already confessed our love and commitment to each other. We have been calling ourselves husband and wife for years, frankly because we have been living in matrimony. We don’t see our son as being born out of wedlock at all. The commitment was and is already there. The rest is just formality.

Our Rabbi has suggested that we have a Ketubah because it would be a great place to bring together all that is us. It can be as creative and unique as we want it to be. It can encompass all aspects of our culture, selves and family. Whether it be two-dimensional, three-dimensional, in English, Hebrew or Japanese, it could be the embodiment of everything of importance to us.

 Streets of Desire by Micah Parker

Well, when you put it that way, why NOT have a Ketubah? I mean really, it sounds right up my alley but I still have this little itch in the back of my brain that just doesn’t want it. I’m not sure what’s causing the itch or even if it’s significant, but it is really annoying. I’m confident that our Rabbi can help me scratch it but do I want to? This must be the nature of weddings or any other major event for that matter.

Maybe I’ll give a bit of slack or maybe I’ll tug a bit towards my end. Either way, I’m sure we’ll figure it out but there’s no one I’d rather be playing with than Alx. That’s the most important aspect to me.


Lula Jones

Lula Jones is the sole proprietor of theLULAdesigns. She has a BFA in Graphic Design from Moore College. Lula resides in Philadelphia with her husband, son, two cats and a dog. She loves eating matzah ball soup out of Asian dishware with chop sticks.

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Author: Lula Jones