This week, our faithful, energetic, tremendously creative, and incredibly smart editor, Lindsey Silken, is getting married. We know this is the parenting blog, and not the wedding blog, but as two experienced married folks, we thought we’d take this special opportunity to offer some advice to Lindsey and her betrothed. Following are a few things we, InterfaithFamily parenting bloggers Jessie Boatright and Jane Larkin, have picked up in our collective 21 years of marriage.
Our Wedding Advice Greatest Hits
We thought we’d start off with a few of our favorite tips about the big day. So here they are, in no particular order:
1) Stand up straight! It’s a small thing, but a little good posture goes a long way, especially given that there will probably be more pictures taken of you on your wedding day than just about any other day of your life.
2) Don’t forget to eat. Better yet, assign someone to remind you to eat. You’ve likely spent hours picking out menus and cakes. It is easy to get so overwhelmed with all of your guests and the joy of the day that you’ll forget to try anything you so painstakingly selected. So take a break to have a few bites or, better yet, sit down and enjoy a whole meal.
3) Once the big day arrives, there will be only one to-do item remaining on your list: have a great time! Let the event coordinators worry about the details, enjoy your day.
Getting Serious – A Few Thoughts about Making the Most of Marriage
1) If interfaith couples have anything to teach inmarried couples, it is the importance of not making any assumptions about religion or traditions. Since Jewish tradition is wide and varied, don’t assume that anything is a given. Talk, talk and then talk some more. Or, in Jewish tradition, wrestle, dialogue, disagree, and then figure out the path that works for your family.
2) Pick something you really like doing as a couple, and remember to keep on doing it. Whether it is dancing into the wee hours of the morning or a shut-in board game night, it is important to keep coming back to a space that is uniquely yours throughout your marriage.
3) There is never a “perfect time” for anything. There is no perfect time to go back to school, or to have children, or to buy a home. You will always be able to find an excuse to delay big (and small) decisions. Sometimes you and partner will know when the time is right; other times you’ll need to “Just Do It.”
4) Bring Shabbat into your lives. Starting a Shabbat tradition is a way for sacred encounter to enter into your relationship. It is also a tangible way for you to start to build your Jewish home together.
5) It’s okay to go to bed mad. It’s hard to look at an issue clearly when tempers and emotions are high. Even a bad night’s sleep can help you see a situation from a different perspective or deal with a problem in a calmer fashion. Another trick: count to 10 before responding to a temperature-raising comment from your spouse, in-laws, or parents.
6) Your spouse may have some habits that you think you will be able to change after marriage. Most likely that won’t happen, so learn to live with them and laugh about them. When you find these lovable behaviors nagging at you, recite to yourself American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
7) Have your families read Jessie’s “A Charge to the Families.” There are some lessons in it that will help them support your partnership.
8) Lastly, remember that marriage is a journey, not a destination. There will be many peaks and an equal amount of valleys. If you remember that you and your spouse are a team that is at its best when it works together, you will have an easier time navigating the smooth surfaces, as well as the bumps in the road. Marriage’s treasures are not revealed all at once, but rather all along the way.
Best wishes for a life together that is filled with joy, happiness, strength, support, teamwork, and love. Mazel Tov!