Each synagogue is different in terms of boundaries and limitations on the participation of those who are not Jewish. Interfaith couples and adult descendents of intermarried parents or grandparents have concerns about their status in your community, and appreciate learning what they can expect before they encounter one of the boundaries. InterfaithFamily.com recommends that every synagogue clarify their limits for themselves and create a document which explains their policies to potential congregants in language that does not inadvertently imply rejection or disdain.
We solicited and searched for policy statements from synagogues, and have selected excerpts from across the denominational spectrum. It is not our intention to dictate to you, but to inspire you to create a policy statement that works for you. We suggest that you begin a process that helps to clarify your policies, solicits opinions from your members and allows for discussion and presentations from your interfaith families. The Union for Reform Judaism has a very helpful guide for congregations beginning this process: Defining the Role of the Non-Jew in the Synagogue. The Reconstructionist Federation report on Boundaries and Opportunities outlines an eleven-step process in making these decisions.
Below are recommendations for creating policy with samples from Reform, Reconstructionist and Conservative congregations.
Non-Jewish parents are encouraged to be on the Bimah for the following:
Our rabbi may include Jewish co-officiants in an interfaith wedding held at Oseh Shalom. A clergy member of a different religious faith may not co-officiate at an interfaith wedding conducted at Oseh Shalom. Such co-officiation would be in violation of current Reconstructionist Rabbinical Association policy.
There are two reasons why the Rabbi cannot conduct the wedding ceremony of an interfaith couple. The first is that the Jewish wedding creates a contractual relationship through the ketubah (contract) under Jewish law, and Jewish law can have no authority over non-Jews. The second is that while Beth Am is supportive of the people in an interfaith marriage, it is not appropriate to give religious sanction. As expressed above, however, withholding religious sanction does not mean withholding acceptance and support.
Our clergy also will participate in the non-Jewish funeral of a non-Jewish partner in a way that is religiously appropriate and which supports the Jewish family members.
We find that it is appropriate for Jews to recite the Kaddish in honor of their non-Jewish relatives, and also for non-Jews to recite Kaddish in honor of their Jewish relatives, if they so wish.
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