For many people who are not Jewish and were not raised around Jewish people, it may be difficult to respond to or even recognize antisemitism. This can be especially challenging for interfaith couples to navigate, particularly for the partner who is not Jewish. While every situation is unique, there are practical steps a partner who is not Jewish can take to support their Jewish loved ones and address antisemitism.

The safety and freedom of the Jewish community, including Jews and their loved ones, is directly connected to the safety and freedom of all marginalized communities. In the fight for safety and freedom for all, it is important to have people from other backgrounds working alongside Jews willing to protect and to fight against antisemitism; this is a lifelong practice. 

Here are some tangible ways to practice this level of support in your everyday life:

1. Commit to continuing to learn about antisemitism and all its patterns and manifestations. When an incident is causing harm to Jewish people or the Jewish community, it can sometimes be difficult for people to understand why that incident is harmful. Instead of asking “Is this incident antisemitic?”, a question that promotes defensiveness and either/or thinking, reframe the question to: “What role is antisemitism playing here?” Be curious and mindful that antisemitism can be implicit (unconscious, unintentional).

2. Listen to and amplify a variety of Jewish voices, including those of people you don’t agree with all the time. It’s important to let Jewish people speak to their own experiences and recognize that there is not one single Jewish perspective. Non-Jewish people who are a part of the Jewish community and allies can elevate diverse Jewish voices.

3. Support targets of violence and hate, whether you know them or not. Show compassion and encouragement to those who are the targets of biased behavior by asking if they’re okay, getting help and letting them know you are there for them. Ask what else you can do, and make sure they know they’re not alone. This is especially important to do if your own partner or partner’s extended family is the target of an attack. Being in an interfaith relationship with someone who is Jewish – and may have other identities that make them targets of attacks – means that you should be prepared to show up and support them in the face of antisemitism or discrimination.

4. Don’t participate. By refusing to join in when hateful behavior occurs, you are sending a message that you do not condone it and that behavior is unacceptable.

5. If it feels safe, tell the person behaving disrespectfully to stop. You can let them know at the time or later during a private moment. Whenever you do it, letting aggressors know how damaging their behavior can be may prevent them from behaving similarly in the future. If someone makes an antisemitic comment to you in private, it is still important to voice why those comments are damaging to both members of the Jewish community and also their loved ones, like yourself.

6.  Ask for help. Sometimes, you may need additional support in stopping the behavior to address antisemitism. You may decide that law enforcement or an organization such as the ADL is best equipped to confront the situation.

7. Be supportive online. Antisemitism is rampant online, too. All the rules above are just as important to follow when texting and on social media. Antisemitism is especially widespread online because online environments allow people to leave comments anonymously, and it’s often easier to find and target members of the Jewish community. Digital spaces also allow for private communities to gather and make sweeping remarks about discriminated groups. Even if you are not directly being discriminated against, it’s important to shut down these conversations when possible. Report and block antisemitic content when you see it, and be mindful of how you engage – even if you are engaging to counter this harmful content.

So online and offline — do your part to address antisemitism and support inclusion and respect.

If you have experienced or witnessed an incident of antisemitism, extremism, bias, bigotry or hate, please report it using this incident form.

This resource was created by 18Doors in partnership with ADL.