My Grandma, Clarisse Eber Rifkin, may her memory be a blessing, used to return my thank you notes with her own letter of thanks to me.

However, alongside her letter, she would also return my original letter to her. They were complete with corrections and suggestions in red marker. I distinctly remember one of her comments, written in her red pen. In my original thank you note, I had said something very brief, like, “Dear Grandma, thanks for the check for $25. Love, David.” She wrote back, and her advice remains with me to this day: When we give thanks, it’s important to be detailed and specific and not just say “Thanks for the [Insert item of thanks].” She wanted to know why I was thankful.

While I wouldn’t recommend this exact approach of editing thank you notes, it’s worthwhile to teach your children not only about the importance of saying thank you but also how to say it. How can we say thank you and really mean it?

The Jewish value of being thankful, ho’da’ah, translates to giving thanks. Notice that it isn’t enough to just be thankful, however. We have to “give thanks.”

The importance of thankfulness is deeply embedded into our tradition. The “Modim” prayer, which is traditionally recited three times a day in the “Amidah” prayer, translates to “thanks.” Many Jews begin the day with the prayer “Modeh Ani,” which translates to “grateful I am.” Sometimes, we wake up on the wrong side of the bed. By encouraging us to be grateful first thing in the morning, our tradition encourages us to consider changing our mindset into something more positive.

Because the importance of giving thanks is so meaningful to me, I try to bring this value into my own daily life and the lives of my congregants weekly. Every Friday night at my congregation, when we come to the Psalm for Shabbat, Psalm 92, members go around and say, out loud, what they are grateful for. The psalm for Shabbat says “Tov L’hodot L’Adonai,” or “It is good to give thanks to God.”

On Shabbat we give thanks, and yet we also do not deny that the hurt and pain in people’s lives. I say to my congregation each week, “You may have had a great week, you may have had a hard week.”

We can feel pain, and we can also be thankful. but that When we open up the congregation to give thanks, we all hear profound things.

“Thank you for my healing recovery from my surgery”

“Thank you for my new job.”

“Thank you for the strength I need in this tough time.”

When kids participate, they also have beautiful things to share.

“Thank you for my family”

“Thank you for my house.”

“Thank you for my puppies.”

It’s okay if you do not know who you are saying thanks to, or if you are saying thanks to someone in your life. Maybe you’re saying thank you to yourself. What is important is feeling thankful and recognizing what you are grateful for—despite all the difficulties life brings, and speaking out loud what you are thankful for. It isn’t enough just to feel thankful, but you have to give thanks.

This Thanksgiving (or really any day), why not practice saying thank you during your family’s day? Take my Grandma’s advice: Dig deeper into your thank you. For those who celebrate Thanksgiving, invite your children and guests to share what they are thankful for.

When your kids say thank you, ask them, “Why are you thankful?” Even if they say, “Thanks for the ice cream,” ask them why and see what they say. It could surprise you! If they say “I don’t know,” ask them what is it that they appreciate about ice cream. They could say because it’s delicious. They could say, “I am lucky to have ice cream.”

All of these are ways that we each can deepen our thankfulness practice and our understanding of why we say thank you at all. Specificity matters, and digging deeper helps us connect to this ancient Jewish value.