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Six Tips for Interfaith Couples Facing the High Holidays

1. Since family meals are universal, inviting extended family members who are of another faith to join in the holiday meals can serve to focus on the commonalities of your traditions. Over time, these gatherings become part of the year’s cycle for the extended family. They become familiar. Try to cook traditional foods eaten on that holiday. If you don’t have recipes, you can find some on our site. Or you can invite friends and family of all faiths to bring along their favorite dishes.

Six tips for interfaith families facing the High Holidays2. Try to involve each member of your family in the holiday. On Rosh Hashanah, you can begin new family traditions by discussing how to make the year a better one, how you as a family want to grow. Come up with three or four ways you can attain your goals. On Yom Kippur, you can talk about how you as a family have “missed the mark” and what you can do to repair any wounds.

3. If your partner is uncomfortable attending synagogue with you, try to create a group of others to be there with. Set up a certain area in the synagogue where you can all sit together so that you don’t have to feel alone. The seating area could also welcome widowed, divorced or single members. Another option is to join a “havurah” (informal study and worship group) that will sit together.

4. If your partner would go to synagogue but doesn’t understand how the service is put together, why certain prayers are said, and/or what the Hebrew means, ask your rabbi or synagogue educator to hold a special learning service for people in who need an introduction or a refresher (it could also include Jewish members). At that special service, the rabbi can explain the different elements in the service, the Hebrew, and the overall goal, and also answer questions. You can also download our Guide To The High Holidays For Interfaith Families and a learning opportunity prior to the holidays.

5. If you are the Jewish partner, remember that your spouse may be feeling uncomfortable with the traditions, the synagogue and all your family members. So pay attention to your partner, explain as much as possible to them, and appreciate your partner’s willingness to participate.

6. If you don’t usually attend synagogue and your partner can’t understand why you want to now, you can explain that for many Jews in this country, attending High Holiday services (particularly the first evening service of Yom Kippur) is a way of affirming that we still are part of the Jewish people. We still care about being Jewish — even if we’re not very religious and are not sure how we feel about the content of those services. For many American Jews, Jewish identity is primarily ethnic, cultural or communal, as opposed to religious.


18Doors is here to support interfaith couples and families exploring Jewish life. We offer educational content; connections to welcoming organizations, professionals and programs; resources and trainings for organizations, clergy and other program providers; and our Rukin Rabbinic Fellowship provides offerings for couples in cities nationwide. If you have questions, please contact


Author: 18Doors